The memorable moment in the classic film “The Wizard of Oz” when everything transforms from black and white to vibrant color is part of our cultural lexicon. This pivotal scene occurs when Dorothy cautiously opens the door and steps outside, finding herself in a world filled with breathtaking beauty. The shift from black and white to color symbolizes the transition from the dullness and monotony of her ordinary life in Kansas to the enchantment and wonder of Oz.

 

Many of my clients feel their lives are dull when they come to me for coaching. They cite loss of a job, loss of a relationship, lack of motivation to make changes, loss of direction, and the inability to make decisions as chief culprits. They tell me they are having trouble tapping into feelings of joy or satisfaction.

 

The reality is, as we often explore in life coaching, my clients are dealing with unprocessed grief.

 

Our culture does not encourage us to express our feelings when facing transitions and changes. The Puritan tradition of a stiff upper lip is still present. We are encouraged to hold in emotions and compress them into a nice neat tidy package. Societal or cultural norms can influence how grief is expressed and processed, or if we are even allowed to “grieve” a loss at all. This can lead individuals to suppress their emotions and inhibits the natural grieving process, which is a healthy part of living a full life.

Of course, there are short-term fixes to these feelings of loss. We keep busy, find distractions, or immerse ourselves in more screen time. Unfortunately, avoidance is a dead-end street. When we have consciously or unconsciously avoided confronting our loss due to fear, discomfort, or a belief that it is easier to suppress our emotions, it prevents us from fully processing and healing. It then becomes difficult to find a fulfilling purpose in our lives, and the personal connections that come along with it.

What are the consequences of burying emotions, feelings, frustrations, and grief? As I’ve seen time and time again in my work as a life coach, denying our underlying emotional life contributes to feeling lost, overwhelmed, and stuck. Burying what we’re feeling makes it impossible to be authentic, and to have authentic personal connections with other people about what really matters to us. Martin Prechtel calls this “gray-sky culture,” where denial of grief also means denial of joy. We flatline, and our lives become gray. As we see in The Wizard of Oz, a gray life is intolerable to the soul. We hear the call daily to do something about it. We might even dream of “somewhere over the rainbow.” But instead, our culture has us turn to the distraction of keeping busy.

“It is our unexpressed sorrows, the congested stories of loss, when left unattended, that block our access to the soul. To be able to freely move in and out of the soul’s inner chambers, we must first clear the way. This requires finding meaningful ways to speak of sorrow.” – Francis Weller

Sorrow, joy, grief, passion, boredom, doubt, worry, and gratitude are just some of the emotions we might experience in our lives. Yes, life is hard, filled with loss and suffering. Yes, life is glorious, amazing, stunning, and incomparable. Being human is living with both truths. To deny either is to live in Prechtel’s “gray-sky culture.” To live a colorful life, we must embrace the full spectrum of being human.

Life coaching is a safe space to process and figure out what’s holding you back. Finding your balance, using courage to be open and express yourself, facing down what is hurting you, and befriending your vulnerable self is the very foundation to build on a future where you can say “yes” to a full life.

Work With Me: Life Coaching

Helping people move through transitions of all kinds including grief and loss is nothing new for me as a coach.
 
I understand from my extensive client work and my own personal experience that grief is an important part of the human experience.

 

Coaching with me provides:

• A listening ear
• Empathy
• A “container” to process loss / safe space friends & family can’t provide (or we don’t want to “burden” them by asking)
• Access to one’s own inner resources.